Comedy

eyecatcher

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Telling him softly....
With a very seductive voice a wife asked her husband, "Have you ever seen twenty dollars all crumpled up?"
"No, said her husband.”
She gave him a sexy little smile, unbuttoned the top three buttons of her blouse and slowly reached down in her cleavage, created by a soft, silky, push-up bra and pulled out a crumpled twenty dollar bill.

He took the crumpled twenty dollar bill from her and smiled approvingly.

She then asked, "Have you ever seen fifty dollars all crumpled up?"

"No, I haven't," he said with an anxious tone in his voice.

She gave him another sexy little smile, unzipped her skirt, letting It drop to the floor and seductively reached into her panties and pulled out a crumpled fifty dollar bill.

He took the crumpled fifty dollar bill and started breathing a little quicker with anticipation.

"Now," she said, "Have you ever seen 50,000 dollars all crumpled up?"

"No way!" he said, becoming even more aroused and excited to which she replied:

"Go look in the garage."
 

eyecatcher

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Too funny not to share. There is some cursing so if it is offensive I apologize

 

Nutbush

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After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year outside of Buffalo, New York,
Scientists found traces of copper cable dating back 120 years. They came to
The conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more
Than 100 years ago.

Not to be outdone by the New Yorkers, in the weeks that followed, a Los
Angeles, California archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet somewhere just
Outside Oceanside. Shortly after, a story in the LA Times read, "California
Archaeologists, reporting a finding of 200 year old copper cable, have
Concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech
Communications network a hundred years earlier than the New Yorkers."

One week later, a local newspaper in Duluth, MN reported the following:
"After digging down about 30 feet deep in his pasture near the community
Of Richmond,MN Ole Olson, a heck of an engineer and a self-taught archaeologist,
Reported that he found absolutely nothing. Ole has therefore concluded
That 300 years ago, MN had already gone wireless."

I thought for a minute he found a three hundred year old Vikings Super Bowl trophy.
 

Nutbush

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A little bar humor:

Psychiatrist and his Patient
Ever since I was a child, I'd always had a fear of someone under my bed at night.
So I went to a shrink and told him:
“I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy.”
"Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the shrink.
"Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears.”
“How much do you charge?”
“One hundred fifty dollars per visit,” replied the doctor.
“I'll sleep on it,” I said.
Six months later the doctor met me on the street.
“Why didn't you come to see me about those fears you were having?” He asked.
“Well, $150 a visit, three times a week for a year, is $23,400.00. A bartender cured me for $10.00.
I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought a new pickup truck.”
“Is that so?” With a bit of an attitude he said, “and how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?”
“He told me to cut the legs off the bed. Ain't nobody under there now.”
It's always better to get a second opinion.
 
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