Best and biggest names mock mockery ;)

[salmar80]

For my 1st mock ever, I decided to just go with the best and biggest names.

1. Tennessee (3-13) - Great Ibe (LB, Eastern Michigan) - Comes from athletic bloodline, dad was Awesome Ibe. Much better graded than his brother Lousy Ibe.
2. Cleveland (3-13) - Eric Striker (DE/LB, Oklahoma) - "Striker is too easily when opponents are able to latch on" -CBS Sports [sic]
3. San Diego (4-12) - Herb Waters (WR, Miami) - Needs no Gatorade.
4. Dallas (4-12) - Bubba Poole (WR, Utah) - Middle name Jacuzzi.
5. Jacksonville (5-11) - Aziz Shittu (DE, Stanford) - Goes no. 2 on your depth chart.
6. Baltimore (5-11) - Pig Howard (WR, Tennessee) - Because "Alton" was unfitting as first name.
7. San Francisco (5-11) - Lamarcus Brutus (DB, Florida State) - LaBackstabbers of Ceasar.
8. Philadelphia - from Miami (6-10) - Bobo Beathard (WR, Apphalachian St.) - Hard to beat?
9. Tampa Bay (6-10) - Tre Madden (RB, USC) - Very Madden. Will get 99 speed rating.
10. New York Giants (6-10) - Blake Frohnapfel (QB, Massachusetts) - One happy apple in big apple. Pronounced "FRFNPFLLL" by sticking out your tongue and making Dumbo ears with your hands.
11. Chicago (6-10) - Will Monday (P, Duke) - But will he on Sundays?
12. New Orleans (7-9) - Cassanova McKinzy (LB, Auburn) - Uses own name in porn career.
13. Miami - from Philadelphia (7-9) - Mo Latu (DT, Arizona St.) - Saved letters for eating (6'2''/385).
14. Oakland (7-9) - Pokey Harris (RB, Murray St.) - Perv.
15. Los Angeles (7-9) - Madison Magnum (WR, Idaho St.) - Mad Magnum, always loaded.
16. Detroit (7-9) - Jihad Ward (DE, Illinois) - Allahu awkward.
17. Atlanta (8-8 ) - Eli Apple (CB, Ohio St.) - iCorner.
18. Indianapolis (8-8 ) - Prince Charles Iworah (DB, Western Kentucky) - Prince of Wales, Tennessee.
19. Buffalo (8-8 ) - Mike Rose (DE, NC State) - Mike sat on a pin...
20. New York Jets (10-6) - Will Parks (SS, Arizona) - "...in handicap spaces, where handicapped people make handicapped faces..."
21. Washington* (9-7) - Jared Dangerfield (WR, Western Kentucky) - Liability on the field.
22. Houston* (9-7) - Christian French (LB, Oregon) - Actually an American Muslim.
23. Minnesota* (11-5) - Theiren Cockran (DL, Minnesota) - If you catch that cock, worthy of a rooster spot.
24. Cincinnati* (12-4) - Geronimo Allison (WR, Illinois) - Shouts his first name on every 9-route.
25. Pittsburgh* (10-6) - Trip Thurman (OL, Florida) - No longer needs to. Batman & Robin already did that to Uma.
26. Seattle* (10-6) - Halapoulivaati Vaitai (OL, TCU) - Play-by-play announcer: "Heil eh poo e whattae fer #¤%&sake".
27. Green Bay* (10-6) - Zeek Bigger (ILB, East Carolina) - Always zeek bigger at ILB!
28. Kansas City* (11-5) - Reggie Diggs (WR, Richmond) - But how deep?
29. New England* (12-4) -- Pick Forfeit (QB, Deflategate) - Shrinks under pressure.
30. Arizona* (13-3) - Mike Jordan (CB, Missouri Western) - Got hops.
31. Carolina* (15-1) - Silverberry Mouhon (DL, Cincinnati) - Available only at Michelin -star restaurants.
32. Denver* (12-4) - Taylor Fallin (OL, Memphis) - Draft stock not rising.

 

[salmar80]

I almost got banned on FF for this... Had to post a cleaned-up "PC version". Will do so here also, if mods deem it too inflammatory.

 

[Mark87]

I almost got banned on FF for this... Had to post a cleaned-up "PC version". Will do so here also, if mods deem it too inflammatory.

Why ? It's funny ! No problems here

 

[salmar80]

Why ? It's funny ! No problems here

Thanks, man!

Anything regarding any religion is automatic no no there. Also, some of the more adult humor had to be replaced and language toned down (even tho I never actually swore once).

Probably smart for such a large site, some outta the billion posters would've complained.

Main changes:
5. Jacksonville (5-11) - Aziz [Inapproppriate/removed] (DE, Stanford) - Goes no. 2 on your depth chart.
12. New Orleans (7-9) - Cassanova McKinzy (LB, Auburn) - "Hi, my name is..." either works as a pickup line for him. Or goes horribly wrong.
14. Oakland (7-9) - Pokey Harris (RB, Murray St.) - Pokes scouts the wrong way.
16. Detroit (7-9) - Connor Wujciak (DL, Boston College) - At least has interesting family reunions.
20. New York Jets (10-6) - Jon Schnaars (S, East Stroudsburg) - Named after how he sounds when he sleeps.
22. Houston* (9-7) - Kolby Listenbee (WR, TCU) - Almost good at spelling bees.
23. Minnesota* (11-5) - Theiren Cockran (DL, Minnesota) - Worthy of a rooster spot.

 

[eyecatcher]

Good Stuff Salmar

 

[Wolfman]

Sounds like FF needs to lighten up. Little disappointed De' Runnya Wilson wasn't on there. Oh well...maybe next time! ​

 

[salmar80]

Sounds like FF needs to lighten up. Little disappointed De' Runnya Wilson wasn't on there. Oh well...maybe next time! ​

I hear I also missed on Ralph David Abernathy IV, Iosia Iosia, and Osazuwamen Igbinosun - all have 1st round graded names.

De'Runnya? Some especially African American families seem to have the same naming policy as the horse racing community, where every name MUST be unique. Though horse names are way more bizarre, like:
Hoof Hearted, Sotally Tober, Geespot , Jamaican Odour , Maythehorsebewithu, Horlicks wideeye)), Go Tebow Go , Date More Minors , Missing Jewels and Nadzoff (geldings), Gay Crusader, Ha D' Ha Ha (From Clinton-Dix stable), Go Dick Go (RRod's future Kuhn chant?), Wear The Fox Hat (say quickly...), Nuj Nuj Wink Wink , Passing Wind sick(...)

FF has so many posters and such a young demographic, troll/knucklehead problems are widespread. Religion, especially, can set some people off big time, so banning it completely from FB threads makes sense for that site.

 

[Pugger]

Sounds like FF needs to lighten up. Little disappointed De' Runnya Wilson wasn't on there. Oh well...maybe next time! ​

They sure do over there! A lot of those guys know their football but take themselves too seriously.